Content in love?

A new semester begins for me with my Advanced General Capstone class that was created as a 'playful' discussion group, later turned into a full class in which I am enrolled right now.  Our second class we were faced with the discussion of life where we turned in our homework assignment.  One discussion led to another and before I knew it a boy that sits behind me was discussing the portions of love that we have and to which we wish to obtain through knowledge, or proving love to one another.  After reading the 4 Loves by C.S. Lewis I felt interested in the discussion when the boy ended his piece.  My professor went into discussion with the theoretical question of "Why is it that we often have the need to have love proven to us?  Within the human psych, is it possible to just sit with the thought of love or must we always have it proven to us?

There was a long pause in the classroom when I finally raised my hand because the question was quite intriguing.  Is it really in human nature to always have to have love proven to them?  I felt there was so much more to that.

I believe the realms of love should reach much deeper than that of simply being  'shown' or 'proven' love.  Especially when there are so many different forms of love to be given, according to C.S. Lewis' the 4 Loves.  One could even go farther than that to say there are even more than 4 different kinds of love;  A husband to a wife, a wife to a husband, a parent to a child, a child to a parent, siblings, friendships, and so much more.  I feel as if it is not in human nature, nor is it encrypted in the human mind to have that 'need' for proof when it comes in love. 
To me, love is far too huge to be able to have it 'proven' to you from another person without a shade of a doubt.  It is just impossible to truly understand how loved you are, so the idea of having it proven to us would explain why so many couples are just not content with their relationships because they are craving this proof that they are never truly going to have fulfilled.  Instead, why can't we focus on the one thing that we could never doubt; our own minds, emotions, and feelings.  I could never truly understand the feelings of love my parents have for me, my siblings have for me, that my fiance has for me, or my friends either.  At least, not without some shade of doubt as to their true intentions.  Instead, I try to focus on how I feel for them.  Love should be within your heart so overwhelming that when you realize just how much you truly feel for a person nothing else in the world should matter because you love in such a way that resembles Christ; the most Christ-like thing we could accomplish in this world.  I don't believe there is anything closer to God than to feel a love for someone so strong that it overwhelms and fills your heart to capacity.  In my opinion if it hurts like hell, then it is love.  Hear me out.

Before the world became what it is now; astray from all that it was created to be love was created as an understanding. The understanding to which love was focused on the give instead of the receive because we wished to do God's works; love one another.  At that point, we were fulfilling our purpose to love so what more could we need?  Why need the proof of love for us when we were doing what we were created to do?  It was about how much YOU loved someone rather than today when its all about the "what's in it for me?"  

To me, love is something you can't deny, but something you can't ever accept fully from another person because  it is far too complex to even understand within our own bodies, how are we supposed to understand it coming from another person?  Think about the things God did for us with sending His Son to die for us.  We couldn't ever possibly even come CLOSE to comprehending or feeling that love that He had bestowed upon us when He gave His life on that cross.  We all know we are loved, this is obvious, but can you honestly say that we truly can understand and feel that love?  Absolutely not.  It is far too huge.  However, there is one thing that we CAN understand, and that is how WE feel.

Love is something we need to attend to within our own hearts, because what could be more important than finding those people within your life that you love, and would give your life for much like Christ did?  I think of the time when my Fiance left for Mexico and I wasn't aware that calling me was out of the question, so I did what any irrational woman would do; I worried, and I jumped to major conclusions.  I thought he was dead.



The statement I said to my professor was of this:

"I believe it is an immature, and insignificant idea that the proof of love needs to come from someone else to us when the proof of love should be internalized.  I think that love was designed to be given, not demanded nor taken with caution; it should be taken without caution and without question because that isn't the point of love.  The point of love is to feel it well up inside of you so big that it completely overfills your heart and overwhelms your senses to the point that you are completely and utterly satisfied with yourself in that you know EXACTLY how far the depths of your love reach within you to make you do the things you do.  The proof for yourself comes with the absence of those around you, when you get that longing, that deep desire for their company, the flooding thoughts of worry about them when they aren't around, and more.  Every bit of love will be felt within your heart, and it has the power to make you do things that you never thought you would, such as the cliche statement "Take a bullet for a friend".  It is in those moments of complete surprise to yourself when you realize just how far you would go for someone, and when you reach that point, THAT is all the proof of love you should ever need because it will be so overwhelming that the things someone else will do FOR you will seem so small and insignificant because you are already satisfied with the realization of YOUR love that you are willing to GIVE to this person, whatever they may be in your life, or whatever relationship title they have.  I don't think human minds were designed to DESIRE proof, but rather with corruption and time, we have it all wrong.  Love shouldn't be proven to us by anyone other than ourselves."

You can see this in the love we get from our parents.  They never have, and they never will ask us to prove to them how much we love them.  They need no more proof than the fact that they love US so much that they literally would give up their lives if it meant a moment of our happiness.  What more could they ask for than to know they love their children that much.  God never asks us to prove how much he loves us because that isn't fair because we will fail.  However, if we just focus on how much WE love HIM, then we will be overflowing with His joy and his strength and we can do those hard requests he places upon us because we simply know that we love Him so much that we would go to the brinks of death to prove it to ourselves.

Love is powerful, but as much as we would like it to, it will never make sense to anyone else just exactly how we feel.  When I was 16 I heard a quote from a movie that changed by views of love from the generic view to the views I have now.

"I am no one special, just a common man with common thoughts. I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me, and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect, I've succeeded as gloriously as anyone who ever lived. I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and for me, that has always been enough."-The Notebook


I love this quote because of the truth within it.  Nowhere do you see him mention "She always showed me how much she loved me..." but rather he focuses on just what HE did for her, because to him, it was always enough for him knowing he loved to the very brink of his existence.  THAT is LOVE.....REAL love.

How much more satisfaction could you possibly get in life other than to know that you we so Christ like in that you loved someone so deeply that there were little to no boundaries as to what you would endure for them.  I find no other satisfaction in doing acts of love such as grabbing that someone a special lunch and surprising them when they least expect it not because of what I can get in return from them, but rather that I love them so much that I honestly could think up such things, and would be so willing as to go out of my way for them to do those things.  I'm content with that thought; That I love them, so what more 'proof' do I need?

I wonder how many marriages would still be in tact if the two people realized that if they just looked at how much THEY love THE OTHER person instead of demanding that proof of how the other feels for them, that they might just fall in love all over again.


Love is a gift, if you can feel love, that is truly a gift....which is why it needs to be given rather than hoarded for yourself because all you can gain from that is an insatiable appetite for more that will never be met.  Love isn't the rare item in this world, its the people that are more willing to give than receive that are rare.

So focus on the love you want to GIVE, not the love you want to receive from someone else.